Everyone wants to be a goddamn winner. When I was a kid I was ecstatic with a fucking green participation ribbon. How times have changed! Whether it's a masters racer looking to flex his nuts at a granfondo, a World Tour rider looking for that elusive first win, or local Joe Strava fighting for KOMs, everyone is looking for that minimal gain. The cycling game is dirty and the dirtier you are, the better you are. While real dope is expensive, altitude doping is free of cost, free of side effects and freely legal. There are no needles or blood bags, just lots of riding at high altitude and IPA's for recovery. Talk about too good to be true. Admittedly, I've been an alt-doper longer than I can remember. Below are the key ingredients to alt-dope like a wildman running like an antelope out of control.
1. You will need 3-4 days at altitude. Preferably above 8,000ft sea level.
2. During those 3-4 days ride your bike 6-8 hours per day, never dipping below the 8,000ft mark, or the altitude at which you will sleep.
3. On each day of riding ascend at least 6,000ft, do a SS interval of 20-30 min towards the end of each ride.
4. After each day of training drink at least 3 IPA's, digest approximately 10-20mg of THC edibles and eat lots of pizza.
5. Order up extra gluten at all of your meals! If it's gluten free, don't touch that shit.
6. After 3-4 days at altitude, return to your lower elevation home base and recover. Get to the lowest altitude you can during the recovery days.
7. Show up to your event and smash skulls, or pedals or whatever you are into.
8. If you really want to go fast, train in jorts and howl like a wolf on the descents.
9. Eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches during your ride.
10. Repeat these steps until you are champion of whatever you want to be champion of.
Seriously, this works.
Even the aspen groves are alt-dopers. How do you think they became the largest living organism on the planet, duh!
On Saturday, I put a new twist on an old classic.
